Replacing Your Limiting Beliefs
For most of my life, the voice inside my head wasn't very nice to me. I would NEVER speak to a friend like that nor I would NEVER let a friend speak to me that way. And yet, I used to listen when it told me things like:
I am not enough
I have to be perfect to be loved
I'll never be able to lose the weight
I am not athletic and never will be
I am ugly
I'll never find someone that loves me
I'm unloveable
I'll end up alone
I can't make money
No one will buy from me
I am unworthy
I’ll never make it
And there were so may more.
"You give yourself what you feel you deserve." Philip McKernan
And whether we're aware of it or not, we go out into the world to prove what we believe about ourselves - good or bad.
In reality, these beliefs were keeping me small, not safe. They became convenient excuses to keep me from going after the amazing relationship, the incredible business and the strong, healthy body I've always wanted.
I remember the first time I heard the term "limiting beliefs". It was in a personal growth program I had purchased a few years ago. I started seeing all of my "stuff". I felt powerless to change any of it. So many personal growth books and programs out there will tell you that awareness is key. That you can learn to live with your limiting beliefs.
I wholeheartedly disagree.
Awareness, for me was like looking in a really bad mirror and seeing all of the things you don’t like about yourself, all the stories you’ve been telling yourself, everything you want to get rid of but don’t know how.
And then one night, on a retreat in Peru, I sat beside a woman who was an NLP and TimeLine Therapy® coach. She told me about her work with her clients and I was fascinated. When we got back, I became a client. I remember leaving her office after our first session.
I felt INCREDIBLE. Like I was ready to take on the world. All the fear and the beliefs that we keeping me stuck when I walked into her office were completely irrelevant when I walked out.
I continued the process. The work.
And my inner voice got quieter.
And nicer.
We made our peace with each other.
And when it does speak to me now, it’s confident and classy.
Turns out, you aren't born with your beliefs.
It's our lived experiences that shape us. In those early years (usually ages 0-7), we are little sponges, observing everything and figuring things out. One day last year, my niece and I were getting dressed. In a moment that I will never forget (and struggled to keep a straight face) she observed, as only 3 year old could, that the way I do it is different than her mom.
In that time especially, we are making decisions about how the world works. Those aren't always decisions that serve us later in life, but at that age, we are way too young to know any different or any better. Some of my clients decided that they will always be alone when their father would fail to pick them up for visits after a divorce. Others decided that they didn't deserve money when they stole something as a child.
We're not usually aware of these decisions. They are mostly unconscious. And that's great news! Because your unconscious mind is super powerful. It's where 90% of all change happens so when you can undecide things here - well it's easy, fast and it sticks!
Most of the time when I work with a client and we replace a limiting belief, when we get to the part where we test it, I ask them how they feel about that old belief and 9 times out of 10, they tell me they can't remember it and ask me which one we were working on. I always grin and tell them there's no way I'm telling them.
Take a minute now and imagine with me.
What would your life look like if you could get rid of the road blocks. If you didn't have to go over, around or through the mountain, you could just make it disappear? Just like magic...
Elaine Turcotte
Courage Coach
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